Amish Silence Read online

  I’ll just lie here a few minutes and my toes will warm up. I hope so, at least.

  The night was a cold one; what she would have given to have a warm man to cuddle up against. With a sigh, she rolled over and went to sleep.

  She didn’t dream that night, but for a brief moment in the middle of the night she thought she might be having a nightmare. A small window next to her bed had let in some moonlight, but she awoke to see the light shifting. It was odd to her, and since her eyesight was a stronger sense to her given that her hearing was poor, she paid attention. The light danced across the windowpane, flashes of brightness alternating with darkness. Lightening.

  Lightening and storms were not unusual, especially not in the summer months. It wasn’t strange to have two storms a week sometimes. She always enjoyed waking up the morning after a storm to see everything refreshed and clean. But she felt somehow that this storm was different.

  Esther sat up and then leaned over to peer out the window. Drops of rain pelted the glass, and she desperately tried to hear it. She’d heard rain as a child as it pelted on the windows. Esther moved back slightly as the droplets were so large and violent she thought the window might break. She shivered and lowered herself back under the quilts to wait out the storm. She fell back to sleep, but she didn’t stay asleep long.

  When she woke again a little later, the rain was still hitting the glass, and the light was still flickering with the lightning strikes, but something wasn’t right. She could feel it. Every few minutes the house shook, and she knew she wasn’t dreaming.

  Thunder. I can’t hear it, but it’s strong enough that I can feel it.

  She wondered about her cow and the rest of the livestock, and whether they were safe. Had they grown fearful? The horse, Brandy, was in the barn, and as long as that was still standing, Max and Brandy would be fine, and warm, too.

  There was nothing she could do but wait out the storm. She sat up in bed, pulled the quilts around her light frame, and watched the light dance across her window. She steadied herself when she felt the thunder’s vibrations, and she mentally chastised herself for insisting that her family not sell the farm, instead allowing her to stay there alone.

  Instead of thinking fearful thoughts, she closed her eyes and made herself concentrate on something that made her happy – her parents’ love story. Esther had heard their story many times. When her mother Moira was young, she had moved with her family from Switzerland to the United States, settling into the community where Tom lived. It had been love at first sight for Moira and Tom, but instead of getting married young as both her mother’s sisters had, Moira eventually left to travel far away to Coulson County to work there as a teacher, leaving Tom behind.

  Over the next few years, Moira had traveled back to her family for Christmas and community weddings. Then one day, Tom made the two-day journey to where Moira was working and asked her to marry him, telling her he wouldn’t take ‘no’ as an answer. Moira agreed to marry him and moved back home to Earltown. Tom built the house there, and that’s where they raised their family. Esther smiled as she recalled the story that she’d been told and told again.

  When the house shook once more, Esther’s mind blocked out her fear again and she thought more about her parents’ early life. Esther’s father had told her that he had cleared the land with his own two hands and used the timber from the land to build the house. He said that he’d poured all his love for Esther’s mother into building this home for her.

  The story of her parents’ love always sent tingles down Esther’s spine, and more than that, their story gave her hope. Esther saw the tenderness in her father’s eyes whenever he looked at her mother. She saw his care and concern for her, and she saw the way her mother lighted up whenever her father walked into the room. They adored each other; it was plain for anyone to see.

  Esther’s mind drifted to how she was now alone. Even though Esther couldn’t hear all that the family members talked about, she just knew that William had been pushing her parents to sell the house. She was a little surprised when she’d been allowed to stay, especially since she was staying there alone. No doubt her mother had a lot to do with that. Her mother never wanted Esther to be treated differently just because she had a hearing problem.

  She closed her eyes again and remembered William’s words to her about staying on in the house. ‘Esther, you can’t stay here alone!’ That, and, ‘What if something happens and you can’t hear it? There’s no one there to protect you if there’s an attack or an intruder! It’s simply not safe, Esther!’ William had taken over the role as the head of the family. At the end of a long conversation with their mother and father, William finally gave Esther a nod, telling her she could stay in the house.

  Now, with the storm raging outside, she wondered if that had been the right decision after all. The house rocked again as a streak of lighting flashed in the sky. Esther was certain that the earth was going to break open and swallow her and the house. She was glad she couldn’t hear the thunder at full volume, since even the faint echoes that she felt, more than heard, were more than enough to scare her.

  Chapter 4

  Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee;

  yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

  Isaiah 41:10

  * * *

  From William’s house, Moira heard the wind and her thoughts immediately turned to Esther, her youngest. Esther was alone, and Moira was certain that Esther wouldn’t be able to hear the storm. What if something happened to the house and Esther couldn’t hear it? Lightening could strike and set the house on fire and Esther wouldn’t hear a thing. Moira nudged her husband in the ribs. “I’m worried about Esther in the storm.”

  Tom mumbled something but didn’t move.

  Moira nudged him again. “Wake up.”

  Tom sat up. “What is it?”

  “I’m worried about Esther, she’s alone in the storm.”

  “She’ll be okay. She’ll sleep through the whole thing, and besides, that house is as solid as a rock.” Tom lay back down and mumbled, “I built it to stand against the storms that rage in these parts.”

  Something nagged at Moira, making her feel that Esther was in danger, but then again, Moira was always worried about Esther. Now, Moira silently prayed for Esther’s safety. Esther was a young girl alone and if anything dangerous happened, she was disadvantaged due to her hearing loss. If only she was married and had a husband to look after her.

  Even though Moira felt that was an impossible thing, she still prayed that Esther would find a good man. If only Esther would help herself in that regard and talk to more people. It’ll only be through the grace of Gott that she’ll find a man who wants to marry her.

  Listening to the sounds of the storm outside, Moira snuggled further under her quilt. She was mainly responsible for the fact that Esther was living alone in the family home. Yet Esther had assured them that she would be all right to live alone. Moira had respected Esther’s wishes to stay there, only to allow Esther independence. Now, Moira wished that her daughter were there in William’s house.

  “You’re worrying about her again, aren’t you? I can hear the wheels of your mind winding over.” Tom rolled over to face her.

  Moira gave a giggle. “I try not to worry; I try and leave my concerns with Gott, but this time I’m worried.”

  “I’ll have William go and see her first thing in the morning. There’s no point anyone going anywhere in this storm; it would be madness. Go back to sleep.” Tom rolled back over, and Moira tried her best to sleep.

  Just as Moira drifted off, a streak of lightening lit up the dark sky and the house shook from a thunderous roar. “That was a bad one,” Moira said when the house stopped shaking. Tom didn’t answer, and soon after he snored.

  Living with William wasn’t an ideal situation for Moira, but at nearly seventy years of age and with Tom’s bad health, it w
as a situation that she’d had to come to terms with. She’d much prefer to be living back at their house where she’d raised their three children; in the house that Tom had built for her on the edge of his parents’ land.

  The night passed slowly, but Esther held vigil, praying the house would still be standing when the storm had passed. When the sun finally rose, she was glad to see its bright rays. The light pierced the glass and she heard what she thought must be Henry, the rooster, crowing.

  Wrapping herself in a blanket, she stepped out of bed and proceeded down the stairs, desperate to rekindle the fire and put on the kettle for a hot cup of coffee. It had been a long night and this day would seem even longer still; there would be a huge clean up after a storm so large. Creeping down the stairs, she felt a draft. She recalled that she had checked the doors and windows before bed and all had been closed, so feeling a draft was a curiosity.

  And then she saw it. Stepping down on to the lower floor of the house, she felt the wind, and the drizzle of rain still hanging in the air, and she caught her breath. The entire corner of her house, the corner encompassing the kitchen and the main fireplace, was entirely gone, ripped out, gutted.

  Esther let out a small breath, crossed her arms to shield herself from the chill, and then lowered herself to the ground in defeat. Her home was ruined, which meant her family would not allow her to stay on. She tried to be thankful to be alive, but a feeling of helplessness overwhelmed her. The home was her security, her haven, where would she go now?

  Chapter 5

  There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man:

  but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted

  above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

  1 Corinthians 10:13

  * * *

  Esther didn’t know how long she sat there, wrapped in a large rug, on the log across from the front door of her house, with Max by her side. It could have been hours, or perhaps only minutes; she wasn’t sure. Lost in thought and exhausted from the night, Esther wasn’t sure what to do next. She stared at the remnants of the storm’s wrath, shaking her head and wondering again what she should do. She would’ve given anything for a hot mug of coffee and some breakfast, but she was too shaken by the storm to make the effort.

  The fireplace in the kitchen was destroyed, but she could still use the fireplace in the living room to boil the kettle, and she would be able to cook over it in a frying pan. She hoped that William would come soon to see how she’d fared in the storm.

  She didn’t have long to wait before she saw a horse and rider heading toward her. It was William; he was reliable and there was no doubt about that. Esther concluded that the roadways must have been chopped up by the storm for him to be riding his horse instead of driving his buggy.

  He gestured to her, asking if she was all right, using signs that they both knew.

  She gestured back. It took a few minutes of gesturing and signing and voicing a few words that Esther could ‘hear’ by reading lips to understand that the storm had created a disaster area for the whole community. Both her brother’s and sister’s homes had suffered damage, and William wasn’t surprised to see the damage to the old family home.

  “It was bad,” he said. “Everyone has repairs to do today. We’re blessed that it’s going to be a day of the sun shining.”

  William walked inside and inspected the damage. “It’s not too bad. It’s just this one corner, isn’t it?”

  “Jah, that’s all. Can you fix it?”

  “Nee, not quickly. I’ve got repairs at home, but I ran into Devon Hershberger on my way here and he’s got no damage at his haus, so he offered to help me repair mine. I’ll go ask him to do the repairs here; I’m sure he will.”

  William told Esther more about the damage to everyone’s homes and about Devon Hershberger, who would be coming to do the repairs on her home. The Hershbergers had moved to the community two years ago and apart from seeing them at the Sunday gatherings, Esther knew little about them.

  “I don’t have to leave, do I?” Esther asked, pulling the rug around her tighter.

  William scratched his right temple. “I’ll fix up the other fire so you can boil water and cook on it. Then, I guess there’s no reason you can’t stay here. The house won’t fall down or anything. Unless you’d rather come back and stay with me? We’d be happy to have you.”

  Esther shook her head. “I’ll stay,” she said, grateful that he was giving her that option. She was unsettled that her house wouldn’t be secure, but figured that no robbers would expect anything of value to be left in a damaged house.

  William strode around the house, walking from what was left of the kitchen to the living room. “I’ll have to make it secure for you, though. There’s an old door out in the barn. I’ll attach it to the bottom of the stairs. That way, the top level of the home, where the bedrooms are, will be secure.”

  Esther nodded, grateful that he was looking after her and that he understood that she wouldn’t want to leave the house.

  It took William a couple of hours to finish securing a door to the bottom of the stairs, and then he left her alone in the house.

  If Esther had felt alone before, she was even more alone now. William and her sister Millie had always been there to help her, but now they had to look after their own families. Seeing her house destroyed was anxiety-inducing enough, but now, having a man she barely knew coming to the house made her anxious.

  Esther wondered how she would communicate with Devon. She’d never spoken to him before, although he seemed nice enough. Would Devon know that she wouldn’t be able to hear him too well? What if he stared at her, or talked to her and was surprised when she didn’t talk back? What if she tried to say words and they came out sounding so strange that he thought her stupid?

  If I’m to live alone, I’ll have to take on these responsibilities, she told herself, trying to make herself brave about talking to Devon. She only hoped he’d be able to understand what she said to him.

  She hurried to milk the cow and feed the rest of the animals. When she’d finished her chores, she set the fire in the living room alight with some wood that thankfully was dry since it had been stored in a basket in the utility room. She put water in the kettle to boil, and while she waited, she warmed her hands by the fire. Finally, the mug of coffee was in her hands and she sipped it, pleased to have something warm in her stomach. Now, she’d have to do some cleaning up in the yard and also pick up all of the fallen branches and twigs that littered the place. She set down her mug and pulled on her boots, ready to start getting some work done.

  When she wandered outside, Esther caught her reflection in a pool of water by the house and allowed herself the luxury of looking into her own face for a time. She wondered what the visitor would think of her. Would he think her a beautiful girl, or a sad recluse who couldn’t hear or speak properly?

  At closer to thirty years of age than twenty-five, she wasn’t looking old, not at all haggardly, but she was most definitely considered by the community as past her prime. She was way past the normal marrying age for girls. Her golden curls tried to escape her prayer kapp, even though she’d braided her locks tightly. There were still ringlets of hair that were wispy and defied being trapped under her kapp. Her skin was clear and bright, healthy and ruddy. Her sparkling blue eyes were the color of summer skies.

  The day wore on and Esther spent her time clearing the debris from the storm and tidying up in general. Just as she was about to take a rest, she caught sight of a horse and rider. She looked hard and saw that it was Devon.

  Esther’s fingertips flew to her throat. Her brother had said that Devon was coming tomorrow, not today. She looked a mess and was not at all prepared for visitors. Yet, he would’ve seen her already, so it was too late to run inside to clean up. She stayed still and watched him get closer. The nearer he came, the clearer his tall, steady frame became.

&
nbsp; Devon dismounted and tipped his hat. She watched his mouth forming the words, “Hello there.”

  She walked to him, smiled, and extended her hand. She tried to say the words, “Hello, Devon,” but was not at all sure how well she did or how her speech sounded to him. Then she told him that she was Esther. She hoped she’d said it clearly. Her hand touched her chest as she said her name.

  A grin broke out on his face and for a moment, she was sure he was going to laugh at her, but he didn’t. Instead, he said, “I know who you are, Esther.” Then he tipped his hat again and gestured with his hand towards the house, indicating that she should show him the damage.

  The two walked quietly, side by side. Esther’s heart pounded with worry, but Devon seemed kind and he’d been perfectly polite. While Devon studied the damage to the house, Esther couldn’t help but study him. She was sure she could tell what type of man he was from his kind eyes. From her observations, she gleaned that he was around six feet two inches tall; his hair was sandy, and his eyes blue.

  After looking at the house, Devon said, “I should check the barn.”

  Esther nodded and followed him to the barn. Either he’d been told that Esther couldn’t hear, or he’d guessed that she couldn’t, because he was speaking loudly. They walked around the barn and seeing that it was okay, they continued walking down to the creek.

  Esther didn’t know why he led her there since there were no structures down by the water. He admired the cow and commented on the garden. She even caught a few words of him saying what a shame her extensive vegetable garden had been ruined by the storm. Esther only understood parts of what he said, but she liked that he was trying to talk to her even when he knew it would be difficult for her to understand him.